The following is a quote from Elder Jeffrey R Holland: “The Prophet Joseph Smith deepened our understanding of the power of speech when he taught, “It is by words…[that] every being works when he works by faith. God said, ‘Let there be light: and there was light.’ Joshua spake, and the great lights which God had created stood still. Elijah commanded, and the heavens were stayed for the space of three years and six months, so that it did not rain…All this was done by faith….Faith, then works by words; and with [words] its mightiest works have been, and will be, performed.” Like all gifts ‘which cometh from above,’ words are ‘sacred, and must be spoken with care, and by constraint of the Spirit.’ It is with this realization of the power and sanctity of words that I wish to caution us, if caution is needed, regard- ing how we speak to each other and how we speak of ourselves.” (April 2007 General Conference)
Many ancient and modern day prophets have made references to words—words spoken by the tongue—and justifiably so. Though the tongue is a part of the human anatomy that has many muscles, the tongue never appears to tire as others muscles do. It is obvious that what the tongue speaks has to have first been formed in the brain as a thought. Many words that leave the tongue seem sharp and contrary to good sense and proper etiquette. But rather than accuse the mind, it is common practice to blame our dumb anatomy (the tongue). The mind is most closely associated with ‘me’ and, therefore, must be protected from accusations of sharpness and improprieties. In support of the practice of our sidestepping mind-blame, there have been many quotations such as, “There is no evidence that the tongue is connected to the brain.” (Frank Tyger) However, the tongue is, indeed, connected to the brain.
The tongue, like the human heart, is given credit for many human expressions and emotions, etc., expressions and emotions that they are incapable of without the guidance of the intellect. The tongue literally becomes a scapegoat for our brains. For example,
“A tart temper never mellows with age, and a sharp tongue is the only edged tool that grows keener with constant use.” (Washington Irving) The tongue has often been referred to as a very dangerous weapon. How embarrassing it would be to attribute such nasty words and sharp expressions of the tongue to an actual thought in the mind of the tongue’s owner.
The Greek philosopher Socrates brought so much wisdom into the world, all of which came to us secondhand through his pupil, Plato. He is credited with saying, “Nature has given us two ears, two eyes, and but one tongue—to the end that we should hear and see more than we speak.” Interestingly, it was Socrates’ tongue that did him in. He was executed for the things that he taught with his tongue.
The tongue is usually the brunt of abuse, but once in a while great things are attributed to it. For example: “She opened her mouth with wisdom, and in her tongue is the law of kindness.” (Proverbs 31:26) Much of the wisdom attributed to Shakespeare was first found in similar form in the Bible. He had a golden pen and the actors in his plays had to develop golden tongues to interpret his golden pen accurately. Great words, speeches, and oratorical debates are usually attributed to the person. Only the unruly utterances are attributed to the tongue. Therefore, we must be protected from accusations of sharpness, and when our minds stutter and we can’t think of a name or word, we then blame the tongue: “it’s on the ‘tip-of-my-tongue.’” The tongue is tripping us up again, the mind is just fine. When we mix up our words and we are unable to say what we want to, we refer to it as being tongue-tied.
The tongue has, in reality, been given a very important calling. It is the spokesman for the mind, kind of like the president’s press secretary. How well it performs depends on how well its been oriented, or prepared to say what is on our minds. It has to be properly trained and practiced, because if it is poorly prepared, it is going to be held accountable for any and all errors made by our minds.
Oh that we could learn to control our tongues (minds) and to speak kindly words! The things we say should build and strengthen and never abuse and tear (put) down another. Words are powerful and they can only be formed by the tongue. The tongue should be a peaceful tool, an extension of a peaceful minds. But one of the destructive things we do with our tongues is gossip. Everyone is tempted to engage in it at sometime. There was a game we played as kids and it is sometimes played at social events even today. A statement is whispered in the ear of the first person in a line of players. Each person has to repeat what was whispered in their ear to the next person in line until it gets to the end. What is whispered in the last person’s ear is altogether different than what was whispered in the first persons ear. That is a demonstra- tion of how gossip becomes enhanced and embellished each time it is repeated. “Nothing ruins the truth more than stretching it!”
Some gossip is harmless enough for example: A woman riding home from church with her husband said, “Did you notice Mrs. Jackson’s new hat? No! Well did you see Mrs. Smith’s new dress? No! “Huh! A lot of good it does you to go to church!” There was a story told of a young boy whose mother overheard him tell an untrue story about a neighbor. The wise mother had her son take a feather pillow and spread the feathers all over town. The boy did so with relish, and when he returned his mother said, “Now go back and gather all the feathers up.” “I could never get them back!” “Exactly!” His mother replied you can’t take back untrue stories either.
James 3:2 For in many things we offend all. (But) if any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body.” …Behold, we put bits in the horses’ mouth, that they may obey us; and we turn about the whole body.” We must also bridle our tongues in a similar fashion, to offend not in word. Before we talk about others, someone has suggested that we should use this criteria: A. Is it true? B. Is there a need for that person to know? C. Is it kind? If it doesn’t meet that criteria, then don’t say it.
We use our tongue to praise God, even the Father, and therewith we also curse men, men who are made in the similitude of God. James said: “My brethren, it ought not to be so!” The tongue is in a sense a two-edged sword—capable of cutting in both directions—for good and for evil! The Savior said, “Not that which goeth into the mouth defileth a man; but that which cometh out of the mouth, this defileth a man.”
We hear of different types of abuse, such as physical, verbal etc. But verbal can be the most damaging. Verbal abuse has no gender—both men and women are guilty. Negative speaking comes from negative thinking.
The spirit of the Gospel is positive and optimistic, therefore, let go of all bitterness, to forgive one another. Before marriage a man has only tender and loving words for his betrothed, and when he is using the Priesthood to bless her with health and strength, he does so with kindness. That should never change. She is his eternal companion. A husband whose tongue blesses his wife should never use that same tongue to demean her. “It ought not to be so.” Remember the story of Johnny Lingo: he made a ten cow woman out of an terribly abused young lady. Our wives should all be ten cow women. Wives, you have the power in you to create a human being and care for it tenderly and lovingly. You make such loving and kindly noises with your tongues, words that can make a home a loving and safe place for your family. Can you imagine what it is like for those you have nurtured to hear you with an abusive tongue a destructive, demeaning tongue. “It ought not to be so!” How we address our children can shape their very lives. We should build them up with our words. Can you imagine what a child must feel if all they ever hear is that they were fat, or stupid, or ugly? Remember the story about the ‘cypher in the snow’? It is difficult for them to become something greater than what they have been labeled at home. Plus children who have been verbally abused usually become abusers. “It ought not to be so.”
When God speaks to us, it will be a still small voice, a voice tender and kind. Brothers and sisters, let all bitterness, wrath and evil speaking be put away from you. “In as much as you have done it onto to least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.” and “Inasmuch as ye have done it not onto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it not onto me.” What we say with our tongues unto another, we say it unto the Savior, whether good or evil. Remember James 3:2, “For in many things we offend all, (but) if any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man (woman) and able also to bridle the whole body.” God bless us all to bless with our tongues and never abuse. Elder Holland reminds us that “words are ‘sacred,’ and must be spoken with care and by constraint of the Spirit.”