When little children are tired they may be irritable and through their crying say, “No!” to everything they are asked to do. Parents may become frustrated with that disagreeable performance with the results that the child may, by sensing the parents frustration, be taught that saying “No!” is not an acceptable way to behave in life. For some of us saying no is one of our most difficult words to form.
In The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, members generally feel that Bishops and/or Stake Presidents are inspired to make callings to members of their ward or stake to fill the many positions necessary to operate the affairs of their local church units. Some will feel that to turn them down is tantamount to saying “No” to God, after all they are God’s servants and have been given priesthood keys and the authority to administer the affairs of the ward or stake. In all my years as a member of the church, seldom have I heard of members saying no to a calling in the church. Some of the callings can be frightening for those members who do not feel qualified to fill them. As an example, some people who have never taught a class before may be afraid to stand up in front of people. They may not feel that they are knowledgeable enough about the Gospel to teach others. The thought of standing before a class of maybe twenty people to teach them may be a challenge, to say the least. Those called, and who accept, do so, even though they may be scared to death, but when the next Sunday comes around they will be there. Those who accept callings that they feel unqualified to do, will grow from the experience and that experience will prepare them for even more challenging positions in the future. The saying in the church is, “The Lord qualifies those whom He calls.”
Henry Van Dyke wisely said, “Use what talents you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best.” In The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints there are jobs for everyone and everyone is expected to have a job. It has been amazing to me to watch people who have been given difficult callings grow and become confident in those positions. The calling they are given may prepare them for other important positions later on. People who at one time would never have suspected that they could become a leader, have been called to be Bishops or to some other leadership positions in the ward or stake.
Saying no for many of us is a very difficult thing to do, for a desire to please is second nature for most of us. It is hard to say no even when we may be asked to do something that we feel is a little wrong or inappropriate. Why is that? As mentioned above we don’t want to offend and the second most common reason is that we don’t want to be ostracized, we want to be liked and to feel that we belong to a group. If we say no we feel that we may be excluded as a member of the group.
In a civilized society being an agreeable person is expected, but it is sometimes necessary to say no. The other challenge is the one where we must say ‘No!’ to ourselves. That may be even more difficult than it is to say no to others. In this day and age it is very difficult to maintain a healthy diet and to avoid carrying excess weight around. We may place ourselves in a situation every day where we can be tempted to ingest more than we need for our own sustenance. It is estimated that close to forty percent of our country’s population is currently overweight. To abstain or say no to ourselves and take only what we need is a daily challenge.
Many young people become addicted to smoking, etc., and it is hard to deny themselves a cigarette, or whatever their addiction is. It is hard to say no even when they have already convinced themselves that the addiction is bad, wrong and even life threatening. There are many ways to say no to others as well as to ourselves.
The most difficult is to stand before temptation and flat out say, No! An easier way is to make arrangements to be with others who have more fortitude and whom we know will help us with our courage to say no. We can also avoid the places, people and things that are tempting to us. Once a person has met the challenge and has conjured up the courage to say no to temptations and to their own addictive behavior, they witness a great feeling of power and self discipline. May we be blessed to say ‘No!’ when we should say no.