Tender is described as things delicate, soft, or gentle, and in respect to people, it is someone who is easily moved to sympathy or compassion—kind. There are tender things that happen in our lives every day, and sometimes we don’t see them for all the commotion of the world going on around us. Too many things are on our minds, things that block out the things tender. I am at a point in my life where I would like to block out the world in all of its haste and just be able to concentrate on those things tender. As a young father, I was so busy with life and trying to support my family. At the same time, I was working on advanced degrees so that I could never spend enough quality time with my children when they were young and tender. I become emotional now thinking of the things I may have missed. Too! My wife was probably overwhelmed much of the time with all of the work of raising a family of small children with an often absentee father and husband. We can’t go back, and I’m not sure things would be different if we could. We only have what is ahead and how we can plan to use that precious time. What exactly is a tender thing? To me a tender thing is the moment I see a beautiful smile, a baby’s innocence, an act of kindness to another, an expression of love, a meaningful and touching song, neighbors helping neighbors, father and son playing together, children playing lovingly with their pets, etc. Too often tender things and tender moments follow bad events. A story that portrays a tender moment is expressed by this child to her grandmother: A grandmother and a little girl whose face was sprinkled with bright red freckles spent the day at the zoo. The children were waiting in line to get their cheeks painted by a local artist who was decorating them with tiger paws.
“You’ve got so many freckles, there’s no place to paint!” a boy in the line cried. Embarrassed, the little girl dropped her head. Her grandmother knelt down next to her. “I love your freckles,” she said. “Not me,” the girl replied. “Well, when I was a little girl, I always wanted freckles,” she said, tracing her finger across the child’s cheek. “Freckles are beautiful!” The girl looked up. “Really?”
“Of course,” said the grandmother. “Why, just name me one thing that’s prettier than freckles.” The little girl peered into the old woman’s smiling face. “Wrinkles,” she answered softly.
Another story, about a stray cat, is both sad and tender: “Everyone in the apartment complex I lived in knew who Ugly was. Ugly was the resident tomcat. Ugly loved three things in this world: fighting, eating garbage and, shall we say, love. The combination of these things combined with a life spent outside had their effect on Ugly.
To start with, he had only one eye, and where the other should have been was a gaping hole. He was also missing his ear on the same side; his left foot appeared to have been badly broken at one time and had healed at an unnatural angle, making him look like he was always turning the corner. His tail has long since been lost, leaving only the smallest stub, which he would constantly jerk and twitch. Ugly would have been a dark gray tabby striped-type, except for the sores covering his head, neck, even his shoulders with thick, yellowing scabs.
Every time someone saw Ugly there was the same reaction. “That’s one UGLY cat!!”
All the children were warned not to touch him; the adults threw rocks at him, hosed him down, squirted him when he tried to come in their homes, or shut his paws in the door when he would not leave.
Ugly always had the same reaction. If you turned the hose on him, he would stand there, getting soaked until you gave up and quit. If you threw things at him, he would curl his lanky body around your feet in forgiveness. Whenever he spied children, he would come running meowing frantically and bump his head against their hands, begging for their love. If you ever picked him up, he would immediately begin suckling on your shirt, earrings, whatever he could find.
One day Ugly shared his love with the neighbors huskies. They did not respond kindly, and Ugly was badly mauled. From my apartment, I could hear his screams, and I tried to rush to his aid. By the time I got to where he was lying, it was apparent Ugly’s sad life was almost at an end.
Ugly lay in a wet circle, his back legs and lower back twisted grossly out of shape, a gaping tear in the white strip of fur that ran down his front. As I picked him up and tried to carry him home I could hear him wheezing and gasping, and could feel him struggling. I must be hurting him terribly I thought.
Then I felt a familiar tugging, sucking sensation on my ear—ugly, in so much pain, suffering and obviously dying was trying to suckle my ear. I pulled him closer to me, and he bumped the palm of my hand with his head, then he turned his one golden eye towards me, and I could hear the distinct sound of purring. Even in the greatest pain, that ugly battle-scarred cat was asking only for a little affection, perhaps some compassion.
At that moment, I thought Ugly was the most beautiful, loving creature I had ever seen. Never once did he try to bite or scratch me, or even try to get away from me, or struggle in any way. Ugly just looked up at me completely trusting in me to relieve his pain.
Ugly died in my arms before I could get inside, but I sat and held him for a long time afterwards, thinking about how one scarred, deformed little stray could so alter my opinion about what it means to have true pureness of spirit, to love so totally and truly. Ugly taught me more about giving and compassion than a thousand books, lectures, or talk show specials ever could, and for that I will always be thankful. He had been scarred on the outside, but I was scarred on the inside, and it was time for me to move on and learn to love truly and deeply, to give my total to those I cared for. Many people want to be richer, more successful, well-liked or beautiful; but for me, I will always try to be Ugly. Whether it be an animal or a human being, it matters not. Ugly, the cat, is representative of far too many cruelly-treated living beings. I have often used the term, “animals are human, too.” They can be tender, and they want to be treated tenderly.”
Too many tender things happen after a tragedy, such as the story of Ugly. We can multiply our tender moments just by becoming more sensitive to what is happening around us. Tender moments are too often lost like tears in the rain. Shut out the noise of the world and observe our children, our kindnesses to one another. Greet everyone with a smile and a genuine greeting showing that you are happy to see them. Enjoy the beauty of the earth, the leaves turning color in the fall or just pushing their way through the new buds in the Spring. For even in stillness, there is happiness, joy and love. Watch life happening and enjoy every minute of it that you can. As you do, look to heaven and thank the Father of us all for all your blessings. For a grateful heart is a tender heart.