I remember my very first term at the university; I had registered for an English Literature course along with other basic courses. I had just recently been discharged from the army and had the benefit of the GI bill, meaning that the U.S. Government was willing to partially pay for my college education because I had served as a military policeman in the army during time of war. I was a 21 year old who had just married and had dreams of getting a good education and doing something of value with my life. During my first week in class, I also started working half days as a bricklayer for a local masonry contractor. I had dropped out of Junior High School halfway through the ninth grade when I had just turned 15 years old. Even though I had dropped out of school, I later took the GED test and passed it quite high and therefore qualified for a high school diploma. I received my diploma just a few months after my classmates graduated. They had spent three and a half years longer in school to get the same diploma that I had. I spent those three and a half years working and gaining knowledge about how the world works. While in the service, I had joined The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and I realized that to reach my potential and get on the path of progression, based on the scriptural Plan of Progression, I thought I would be better served to set my goals higher than remaining a bricklayer all my life. So, here I was in a college literature class.
In this class I had to do a lot of reading of material that I hadn’t ever been exposed to before nor had any interest in, and yet I had to write papers about what I had read and how I felt about it. It was a very difficult class to start my college career with as I had never been exposed to that way of thinking. Yet, surprisingly, I did OK. I was introduced for the first time to many ideas of famous authors as well as other philosophical-oriented literature. About the only thing that I had read, to that point in my life, were Military Police training manuals and several religious books, including the Book of Mormon. I wanted to qualify myself for a good job to provide for my future family. I had never done anything creative in my life that I could put my finger on. To read some of the things that people had written, and after thinking about what they wrote, made me wonder how they could think in such unique ways; where did their thoughts come from? How did they get them into their heads? Now that I am an old man and have done a few creative things myself, I realize that creative thoughts come from life itself. Jac Vanek put it best when he wrote: “You are the books you read, the films you watch, the music you listen to, the people you meet, the dreams you have, the conversations you engage in. You are what you take from these. You are the sound of the ocean, the breath of fresh air, the brightest light and the darkest corner. You are a repository of every experience you have had in your life. You are every single second of every single day. So drown yourself in a sea of knowledge and existence. Let the words run through your veins and let the colors fill your mind until there is nothing left to do but explode. There are no wrong answers. Inspiration is everything. Sit back, relax, and take it all in. Now, go out and create something.”
That may be the answer in a nutshell! At that time, I had a hard time believing that I may have been smarter than average, but now I realize that I have done many above average things in my life, and I think maybe I am. However, maybe it isn’t intellect that makes me above average but rather my energy. Could it be my drive and hard work over the years has made me do above average things in my life? Possibly it is a combination of both energy and intellect that drives a person to achieve above average accomplishments.
My mind has often gone back to that English class. It was a frightening experience as it was very hard for me to grasp how brilliant people put words together in such creative ways. It made me a little afraid that I wasn’t, or maybe couldn’t, handle college level classes; that I didn’t have the intellect to do it. I stuck with it, however, and came to realize that I was doing well in all other classes. I even got a C+ in that class, the one that scared me so bad. Eventually, I graduated from college with a much higher than average GPA. For a high school dropout, I figured that was pretty good.
I have to admit my undergraduate experience did make me blossom intellectually, as I later went on to complete both a Masters and a Doctoral Degree. I will always admire creative people, and I will always wonder how they do it. Even when I have been complimented for doing a few creative things myself, I find it hard to acknowledge it. Maybe many of those creative people feel as I do, that what they did wasn’t that great.
My hope in writing this little story about my own life and fears will hopefully give my descendants the courage to try difficult things themselves, to even venture in doing some creative tasks as I have done in my life.
There were times I felt too tired and too bored with a project, and I could find little energy to keep going or to begin a new one. But I knew that if I started talking myself into resting and saying it isn’t important to do that now—that it would become easier and easier to do nothing. Eventually, I would stop doing even things I really wanted to do. I like what someone said about someday: “There are seven days in a week and Someday isn’t one of them.” —anon.
I believe everyone has a creative spirit and a desire to be productive; at the same time, everyone needs something that becomes their catalyst. Something that will spark their interest. Something that will prod them forward. Whether the motivation comes from within or from without, it doesn’t matter. Once we start moving and see some positive results, we will then be self motivated.
Whether it be creative writing, painting pictures, composing music, building something, it doesn’t matter. A finished project will be a real motivator to start the next one. Anais Nin said an interesting thought that may apply to humans: “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” We can all blossom.