I rather doubt that very many people ever think about how they are going to be remembered by those they leave behind when they die. Some would say they don’t care because they will be gone (dead), and it won’t make any difference to them. Others will write their own obituary just to make sure that it is completely positive and flattering.
There is a story, we can’t be sure if it is true or not, about a famous man who was given a chance to change how people remembered him. It goes like this: A long, long time ago, a man looked at the morning newspaper, and to his surprise and horror, read his name in the obituary column. The newspaper had reported the death of the wrong person by mistake. His first response was shock. When he regained his composure, his second thought was to find out what people had said about him. The obituary read, “Dynamite King Dies,” and also, “He was the merchant of death.” This man was the inventor of dynamite, and when he read the words “merchant of death,” he asked himself a question, “Is this how I am going to be remembered?” He decided that this was not the way he wanted to be remembered. From that day on, he started working toward peace. His name was Alfred Nobel and he is remembered today by the great “Nobel Peace Prize.” —Anon.
There is another story, meant to be humorous, about a man who was remembered because of his many accomplishments; he was spoken of as a perfect man. This story is staged in a cemetery where a man had visited his late departed wife where he laid a bouquet of flowers on her grave. As he was walking back to his car, he noticed another man kneeling before a grave obviously in great distress, weeping and wailing and repeating over and over.
“Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?” The man decided he needed to provide some comfort to the distressed man.
He went over to him and asked if this was his dear wife who had recently passed. The man said, “No! it is my wife’s first husband. He went on to say that this man was perfect in all respects. He never had any flaws and everything he attempted to do was done perfectly.” This poor grieving man could do nothing to please a spouse who constantly compared him with her perfect husband who was deceased. At least the man may have been a perfect man in the eyes of his wife, and surely her memory was enhanced and exaggerated by his death.
There is a poem written about the “Dash,” meaning the dash found between the birthdate on a headstone and the date of the person’s death. The dash is representative of the time between birth and death—the many things the person did, their accomplishments, etc., who they knew and loved and everything else. That dash is what we will be remembered for.
I remember reading about a woman whose husband recently died. He was an avid golfer. He left his widow very little in terms of money and belongings. When she called the newspaper about his obituary, they explained that it would cost 50 cents a word with five being the minimum number of words. She thought long and hard about how to say what she wanted to say within the limitations given by the newspaper. Finally, she said: “Just write: ‘Bill died, clubs for sale.’” I’m pretty sure most people would like to be remembered for more than that. Even with those five simple words, there will be some who would recognize who it was.
It is sad to think of men and women who have been incarcerated for a crime, or even worse, whose reputation for being dishonest and/or cruel precedes or trumps everything else, including any good characteristics they may have had. What were they like before those events happened in their lives? They may have been normal and happy young people with loving families.
As I mentioned at the beginning, I rather doubt that many people ever think about how they are going to be remembered by those they leave behind. I wonder if that idea (how we may be remembered) was on everyone’s mind as we go through life, would it make any difference in the way we spend our “dash”? It would be a wonderful thing if everyone’s dash was full of happy and loving memories for those they leave behind.