Suicide is one of the most devastating events that can happen within a family. Each member of the family may feel it was their fault. If they had only been more affectionate, more willing to listen, able to spend more time with their sister, their brother, etc. They also have to deal with the empty place that the victim left in the family unit. Peter Greene has stated that “As anyone who has been close to someone that has committed suicide knows, there is no other pain like that felt after the incident.” Most people think that suicide in a family is like one child being blind—it is a rare occurrence, it happens in other families, not mine. If the truth be known, suicide occurs much more frequently and in more families than we would expect and want to believe.
A few years ago, my youngest sister committed suicide. I knew she had been having a difficult time with work and loneliness (divorced), but we all have periods in our lives where things do not go the way we would like them to. I thought that she would be back to work and back in a relationship in a short while and all would be well. Not so! She had three great children, all with children of their own. She enjoyed being a grandma and often bragged of her grandchildren, as we all do. I lived seven hundred miles away, and though I thought of her from time to time, it was more a situation of “out of sight, out of mind.” She was only about three years old when I was a young man of eighteen and had left home to work in another state. I never did get back home except for short visits. I only got to know her while she was growing up from the letters and pictures that mother would send me. The years seemed to go by like minutes, very swiftly. However, a number of years ago I was in Seattle for a conference, where she lived, and for the first time, I had a chance to spend a few hours with her alone. She was probably in her forties by then. We had a great time together. I was so happy to finally get acquainted with my baby sister. She seemed so intelligent and reeked of common sense, and I felt confident that she was on solid ground. But!
Things do change.
The question that never seems to find a good answer is: Why does a person come to the decision that the only viable option they have is to end their life? No matter how we look at it, some things are hard to make sense of. To just say they were depressed is not an answer. We are all depressed from time to time. The problem had to have been so overwhelmingly devastating that, over time, it trumped everything else in the person’s arsenal of self preservation. Someone has said that “Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.”
They obviously have let their loneliness negate the beauty of life, rainbows, flowers, the baby bird learning to fly, etc., all things that delight the eye and make everything else worth putting up with. If we could just find out what triggered the suicide, we might eventually be able to recognize what is happening and stop it from occurring to others in the future. Arthur Hertzberg felt that
“A large part of the problem, is that young people are being born into the world and growing up without much hope.” I believe that hope is derived from a vision of one’s future that initiates dreams, energizes plans and motivates to action. With little or no hope in some future dream, the slightest personal affront could initiate a major emotional trauma. Why? Because they have no vision of a better future, they are not excited about seeing what tomorrow brings. Without the knowledge that the sun is going to break through those dark clouds, they are more afraid of life than they are of death—the known vs the unknown.
At one time, suicide was viewed as one committing the murder of oneself. Judy Collins reported that “For many centuries, suicides were viewed as criminal by society. That is part of the terrible legacy that has come down into society’s method of handling suicide recovery. Now we have to fight off the demons that have been hanging around suicide for centuries.” Many religious organizations have treated suicide as murder, and some still do. Therefore, the victim was viewed as a criminal by the church and would have no forgiveness in the realms of heaven. Now most viable religious organizations realize that the suicide victim was not in their right mind and therefore can, in a sense, plead innocence by virtue of insanity. They can’t be held responsible for their action based on the circumstances surrounding their demise.
Bertrand Russell said that “Drunkenness is temporary suicide.” The same can be said for all other forms of self destructive behaviors and substances, such as street drugs, cigarettes and alcohol.
These are all substances that will ruin a person’s health and will eventually cause death. They are self-destructive as opposed to self-enhancing life habits or modes. They are tools Satan uses to handcuff primarily young people to lives of dependency. Youth often feel indestructible; they think that what they put into their bodies will eventually wear off, and they will be back to normal. They also believe that they can quit any time that they want to. In reality, all of the things mentioned above are destructive and addictive drugs. Contrary to what Bertrand Russell said, they are not just a temporary form of suicide, but, in many cases, they are, in reality, a journey into hell, a form of suicide.
There are some types of health problems and/or injuries that cause debilitating pain and suffering, and for those who suffer thus, a wish for relief, even if it is death, will cross their mind. Fortunately, in today’s world, there are medicines that can relieve almost every type of suffering. In times past, suicide and/or euthanasia were often options that were carefully weighed because there was little or no relief for the suffering.
As devastating as suicide is to a family, and how final the result for the victim, I believe that our Heavenly Father is a merciful God. Though the person may never have lived “The Father’s Plan” the way it was designed, they may have done the best that they could given the circumstances of their birth, childhood and mental state at the time of their demise. I, for one, will withhold my judgement and wait upon the Father’s wisdom to work it’s magic of love, the love that He has for each one of His children.