There are several nationalities where the customs are such that it is very unusual for people to express love and show tenderness. Whether that is supposed to be a sign of weakness or they may believe their children will grow up to be more independent if less affection is shown, I don’t know. I do believe that where very little affection is shown by parents to a child that the child is less likely to be an affectionate person. Yet, study after study describes the benefits of being affectionate within a family. Children are often more self confident, do better in school, and become affectionate parents themselves.
I have heard women say that they have never heard their husbands say that they love them. On the other hand, if the husband were asked by a friend apart from their wife, if they loved their wife, they would probably be open and admit that they do but never when they are facing her. For someone, such as I, who finds it so easy to say to my wife that I love you, it just seems unreal, but they apparently just cannot get it out of their mouths. How many men and/or women living in a family married to a spouse have never heard, and are starving to hear, these simple few words: “I love you sweetheart.” My father was a Norwegian, and he was raised in an environment where love was not often openly expressed, as he had a very difficult time saying “I love you” to mother and/or his children. Even when I left home as an eighteen-year-old young man to maybe never come back to live, he was not there to see me off and to give me a hug and to say, “Take care of yourself son—I love you.” I never expected him to; I knew him well enough to know he wouldn’t be there. Maybe he did feel that way, and maybe he wanted to be there and wanted to say those things, but he was afraid to say them—maybe afraid that he would show emotion. My children know me well enough that they know exactly what they could say in front of me if they wanted to see tears flow from this old man’s eyes. My tenderness comes from my knowledge of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and the love He has for us. It comes from my wife and children and their families whom I love dearly. It comes from learning of starving children somewhere on our planet. It comes from reading about a brutal act by some cruel person to one who was helpless. It comes from reading about an abandoned baby or helpless little pet. Those are but a few things that bring a tear to this old man’s eyes. At this point in my life, the list goes on. You might ask, “Why is he such a sad old man? The answer to that is a resounding, No! I am a very happy old man, and I have every reason in the world to be happy. That may be the reason I am so tender, I have been so blessed, and I wish the same for others, but my experience tells me that few have been so blessed as I. So many have reason to be unhappy. I would like to share my happiness, but happiness is not something you hand to another and say, “here take some of mine, I have plenty.” I try to be friendly and express appreciation and concern for others, but a person can only spread themselves so thin. My last hope is that some might read what I write and find some gems to make their life a little more pleasant.
The title of this thought of mine is “The words we never say,” the absence of which may bring about unhappiness in many people we love and care about.
There are certain statements people have made, songs people have composed, poems people have written that have made a definite impact on many of my thoughts, especially when I am in a contemplative mood. They will often go through one ear and out the other, but maybe, even years later, one line will come back to me. A meaningful line that stimulates a more in-depth thought and sometimes, when that happens, I have to sit down and write about it. I have probably heard the song, “The Red River Valley,”by Marty Robbins, a hundred times or more, and yet the only line that has really stood out for me was the following: “For the sweet words you never would say.” The song is about a young man leav- ing the valley and a young girl who loved him true. She felt that he loved her, but he could never get it out of his mouth, “Those sweet words you never could say.” What a sad way of parting. Try to hear the music as you read the words below:
From this valley they say you are going
We will miss your bright eyes and sweet smile for they say you are taking the sunshine
That has brightened our pathways a while. Come and sit by my side if you love me
Do not hasten to bid me a-dieu
Just remember the red river valley
And the one who has loved you so true.
For a long time, my darling , I’ve waited
For the sweet words you never would say Now at last all my fond hopes have vanished For they say that you’re going away
Then come and sit by my side if you love me Do not hasten to bid me a-dieu
Just remember the red river valley
And the one who has loved you so true.
My advice to all is to let your loved ones know of your love; never be ashamed or embarrassed about demonstrating, at least verbally, how you feel or just even how much you appreciate someone who has been close to you. “Those sweet words you never could say” should not be a part of anyone’s legacy. At least not yours!