Jeff Reagan tells this story, “That when I was trucking through the produce aisle of the grocery store when I heard it. There was an exasperated cry from a woman ahead of me, as her purse was being overturned by the toddler seated in her cart. As her belongings poured out all over the floor, I could see (even from behind) she looked… defeated. Who knows what she was going through? A rushed trip to the store, trying to figure out what to make for dinner and trying to keep her head straight while her overtired child was heading toward “Breakdown City.” I rushed over, bent down and helped gather all the stuff strewn about. She had about as much in her bag as my wife’s “everything” bag. When she smiled at me and whispered an earnest “Thank you, sir,” out spilled 3 magic words from me, almost on instinct: “I’ve been there.” Now, listen. I haven’t had my purse spilled out in the store. But I have been at the end of my rope at the end of a long day. And I have been responsible for a wired and wild toddler (though it has been a few years). But she knew what I meant. Because there are very few experiences in life that are entirely unique.”
We’re all human, after all. Those 3 magic words can create a connection.
Helping others can help heal yourself. From whatever you’re dealing with at the moment. And knowing someone else has been there means whatever you’re feeling… you’re not alone. Reagan concluded his story with, “If you notice someone is dealing with a problem you’ve seen, felt or experienced yourself, you’d be surprised what happens when you offer a version of “I’ve been there” to them.
‘I’ve been there’ fits so many situations, it doesn’t have to be the exact situation to fit but something similar. ‘Been there’, ‘Done that’ we can all have empathy for others because whether it be the same or a similar situation, we know the feeling. “The terms empathy and sympathy are often confused and with good reason. Both of the words deal with the relationship a person has to the feelings and experiences of another person. … Both sympathy and empathy have roots in the Greek term páthos meaning “suffering, feeling.” We have the ability to share someone else’s feelings or experiences by imagining what it would be like to be in that person’s situation.”
As we age there are very few circumstances that happen in a human life that we cannot relate to. As an old person, I wonder if there are any experiences in life that could happen where I would be unable to say, ‘Been there’, ‘Done that’? Regardless of how many times the same or a similar thing happens, either to you or to another, you experience the same feelings you had the first time. Experience does teach many things. It teaches that the same or similar bad, unhappy things, happens to most everyone and sometimes more than once. My wife and I have had six children and each had to learn the same things: how to use the bathroom, clean themselves, dress and eat, even ride a bike, drive a car, etc. There are or can be pitfalls with each of the things they have to learn. There were always elbow scrapes while learning to ride and almost always falling off the bike the first few times. For each of the six there were those same expectations, the same or similar scrapes, etc. Some would jump right back up and ride off again, others had to be coddled first. In either case, we were there and have done that. Now, our children are grandparents and when the children and grandchildren experience life and get bruised they too have been there, done that. Life goes on! Pitfalls are many and varied and they happen to each and every one of us, and we can all say, “Been there, done that!”