Rearing or raising children is not an easy task for any couple let alone a single parent. My wife and I raised six healthy and caring children, not to say there were no problems. I rather doubt that any couple raising six children could say they did so without any problems or serious concerns. If they were to say that, they are either ‘fibbing’ or their opinion of the outcome is probably different than the opinion of those observing their family. Using the Forrest Gump terminology: children are like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get. That can be said from each child’s point of view as well. Parents are like a box of chocolates, children never know what they are going to get. Regardless of what the children were like, I rather doubt that you would find a parent saying, I wish my child (children) had looked differently, acted differently, were smarter, were more outgoing, etc, etc. Likewise, it is unlikely children would say of their parents that they wished they had been different in various ways. I came across this poem the other day; titled, “If I had my child (children) to raise over again:
I would fingerpaint more and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I’d take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I’d care to know less and know to care more.
I’d take more hikes and fly more kites.
I’d stop playing seriously, and seriously play.
I’d run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I’d do more hugging and less tugging.
I would build self esteem first and the house later.
I’d teach less about the love of power, and more about the power of love.
A few of those lines fit me perfectly, mothers, however, are perfect. If there is a parent alive who feels that they had done everything perfectly in raising their children I would be surprised. As parents, our mistakes may have been different mistakes but most of us will admit we made mistakes. If we were to reverse engineer that poem and we were to ask the children that question: “If I had to be raised by my parents again? Children would probably have similar confessions. Why? Because we were not riding different trains. Children knew that certain things they did caused their parents grief, but yet they did them anyway. The children come into the world and are nurtured by their parents, until they are old enough to eat, walk, use the bathroom by themselves, attend school, ride a bike, learn to work, drive a car, and wean themselves away from their parents. The whole period of growing-up, from baby to young adult, should be seen as a process, a process of breaking away. The determining factor in the combative nature of a child’s maturation may depend on the willingness of parents to let go. Children who have strong parental ties, or parents who have been unable to see the strength in, and the desire in their children to become independent will hang on. Hanging-on for fear they will fail, has never been a good way to have a healthy parent/child relationship. Letting go is really the best way to hang on. Our show of trust in them is how trust in themselves is verified. Yes! Raising children has to be equally as hard as it is to be raised by parents, because often, neither parent nor child has ever been trained nor had experience in doing it before. Both parents and children are novices within a family. Yet, having and raising children has to be the most: difficult, joyous, heartbreaking, heartwarming, worrisome, exciting, scary, loving, expensive, caring, tiring, etc. time of a parent’s life (as well as a child’s). But if you are able to hold up, and hold things together, right up to the time that they are all adults, married and having their own family concerns, Then both parents and the children, those who survived, can look back and say, “How fortunate we were to have picked the best chocolates from that box, (both for parents and for children) even though, once in a while, there had been some nutty fillings come up. Regardless, of those nutty things, where there is family, there is love.